Diamonds And Rust

Things with any kind of glam to them used to feel off limits to me -- like magical, twinkling wonders reserved only for pretty girls. Only for thin girls. Despite having something of a fascination with constructs of princess-hood, I never used to feel worthy of sequins, sparkles or any other such bedazzled thing. I used to tell myself that someday, when I lost weight and became the "real" me, I would allow myself to buy a sequined pink dress, or maybe some glimmering, fit-for-royalty kind of shoes.

As I grew older, I learned I wasn't alone in this. I wasn't the only fat woman who convinced herself she simply didn't deserve to wear that dress or those heels. The notion of being "unworthy" of beautiful clothing permeates the very being of so many plus-size women -- and it's sort of because of that unfortunate fact that I started my "Yes, Plus-Size Women Can Wear..." column on Bustle a few months back.

This month's theme was "sequins," for which I wore an amazing Yours Clothing dress -- a gem I discovered back at Plus North. It's exactly the sort of thing my 16-year-old self would have turned the other cheek to: would have deemed too short, too low cut, too tight to the body and far too loud for someone of my size and shape. These days, when those (quite frankly) boring and absurd notions are usually so far from my mind, it's exactly the sort of thing I gravitate toward. I love how it hugs every curve. I love that its somehow playful and sexy in equal measures.

The "real" me isn't lurking behind some corner or under 50 pounds of fat. This is the real me. And I truly never want to hide again.