09 June 2014

#LoveAtEverySize x Hips & Curves

When I was growing up, I was told many times that I should only go for a certain kind of partner. Forget loyal or caring. He had to be tall, and he had to be bigger than me. Otherwise, I would look fat and disproportional in comparison, and -- well -- I was already big enough for that. Plus, at the end of the day, "only a fat, tall man will love a fat, tall woman" so why bother wasting time trying to date anything but.
It's funny how we can believe things like that. We can become, through the words of others, so convinced that we who are different from the norm in some way are either unworthy of love, or only worthy of it if it comes in the form of someone who is equally, if not more, different to you. Even if that means choosing someone completely wrong, and is some cases, completely bad, just for the sake of ticking off some imaginary box of "aesthetic acceptability." The people who didn't want me to date a slender man (or thought a slender man would never be interested in me) firmly believed that there was something wrong with couples of different sizes. It was somehow unattractive, unappealing and ultimately, unacceptable.
It is one thing to have a type. We are only human. We each perceive beauty and attractiveness differently. But it is another thing entirely to rule out perfectly kind, decent people because they do not fit into some kind of skewed aesthetic mold, and another thing still to tell others they are only worthy of one type of look. Even if it means sacrificing traits that are far more important.
Love is not a size-exclusive thing. Love shouldn't be about weight or height or ethnicity or color. Love it far more profound and complicated and messy than all that. When you fall in love with someone, attraction will always be an important factor. But more than attraction should be core personality/soul/mind. This post isn't about, "Look at me. I'm a fat woman and I am loved by a skinny man." It is about the fact that love can and does exist at every size, at every height, at every ethnicity, at every color. And while these things can influence our initial attraction to someone, they should not be fundamental. At the end of the day, my partner does love hips and curves, and I do love a lankier man. And we may look silly and weird. And I may look, and be, much bigger. But that's ok. It's more than ok. It's pretty great.
I want to thank Hips and Curves for being so willing and happy to collaborate on this photo series, and for believing in the message. And Lucy Cartwright, U.K. photographer who not only believed in the message, but managed to capture it despite having the task of shooting two intrinsically awkward human beings.
Shop the Looks:
Aubrey Embroidered Babydoll - $49.95
from: HipsAndCurves.com
Soft & Comfy Tank Dress with Lace Back - $32.95
from: HipsAndCurves.com
Backseam Plus Size Stockings - $14.95
from: HipsAndCurves.com
High Waisted Panty with Lace Up Back - $39.95
from: HipsAndCurves.com
Men's Hips & Curves T-Shirt - $19.95
from: HipsAndCurves.com

19 comments:

  1. I love this series, especially since you look so happy together!

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  2. There is this idea in the world that women should be smaller than men in every way: smaller bodies, smaller ideas, smaller personalities... we are supposed to shrink ourselves while men expand. It's ridiculous.
    I recently started dating a man who is smaller than I am, and it's been amazing. The question of "aesthetic acceptability" plagued me for a very short time, but I soon realized that I just didn't care. I had been limiting my options, and I was done.
    Thanks for sharing. I can relate so much!

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    1. I agree. Those notions are absurd, and yet they permeate the media and our every day lives. I'm so pleased you're happy with your partner. Size is so irrelevant. At the end of the day, there are far more important things!

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  3. This is such a gorgeous series of photos. My husband is much smaller than me and I have definitely felt that feeling of inadequacy next to him at times. Very easy to relate to! Lovely post.

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    1. In the beginning of my relationship, I felt the same. But only because the idea of having to be smaller than my partner had always been so hammered into my head. It SO doesn't matter though. Thank you for your comment!

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  4. I love everything about this blog post!

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  5. I came across this post via twitter and will definitely be back to see your other posts. The message that you have put out there is a very powerful and important one that people really need to open up their eyes and ears and pay attention. Too many people just follow the way society believes things should be and forget about being happy with themselves. You are a gorgeous couple and look incredibly happy together which is wonderful. Have a great day :D

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    1. Thank you Fay for taking the time to write such a supportive message!

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  6. I love this post so much, you make such a gorgeous couple. I've always been told to date the taller, larger guys being 5'10" and a size 18, but my wonderful boyfriend is 5'4" and physically exceptionally fit. Sure people who don't know us think we look ridiculous, but we really couldn't care less. I love reading your blog it's so inspirational!
    x
    missmilliemae.blogspot.com

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    1. Woo! I'm so glad you couldn't care less. Because it so doesn't matter! I'm two inches taller than Patrick, and about 100 pounds heavier. People sometimes stare, but that's only out of ignorance and judgment. There are far more important things to worry about in life than how big you are in relation to your partner!

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  7. These photos are so gorgeous and so is the post itself! Thank you for sharing!

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  8. Right. This is like my 7th time trying to comment ( just keep welling up and deleting!). Ok, so a few things:

    1) Marie, can I just say that you guys look absolutely stunning in these photos. You look gorgeous, sexy and SO confident! I need ALL THE THINGS from Hips & Curves. I must put in an order soon actually.

    2) I love the message that you're spreading through this #tag/post; it resonates with me so deeply because I've been told my whole life by predominantly family that because of my size, I should look for someone who's african, taller, bigger and maybe a bit wider so it doesn't make me look as big. Now, I'm someone who's always been into skinny/athletically built white guys LOL so i've never really paid my family's requirements much attention.

    I've just always been under the impression that smaller guys never go for bigger women, but then I started to see loads of couples who consisted of smaller guys and bigger women (and I even see it online on places like Tumblr), so then I thought 'hmm, maybe it's just me. Maybe I'm just too big'. Sometimes I do feel like I should change what I look like physically in order to attract guys of the opposite sex - I do count my size as the main reason as to why I've never had a boyfriend which sucks, but I'm hoping that by reading your post and reading other stories like this, hopefully my mindset will begin to change eventually.

    Beautiful post. <3

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    1. I feel so bad that it took me ages to respond to this Stephanie. But thank you SO much for everything you wrote and taking the time to comment.

      1) Thank you so terribly much. You are the sweetest, and you should DEFINITELY do some Hips&Curves shopping. I don't know if you're a fan of Halloween but they have amazing lingerie/costume pieces that I'm drooling over.

      2) Like you, I've always been attracted to lanky boys, but told it's a bad thing because they make me look bigger than I am, and one should obviously strive (as a woman) for looking smaller than your partner. It makes me so sick. I wonder how many people have passed up potentially wonderful relationships because of the opinions of family and friends. I certainly did for years, probably until I met my partner.

      I definitely think loads of smaller men love a full-figured woman. You can see them all the time on social media, there are websites dedicated to it, and since realizing this, I've just met loads more guys in real life who express their love for a curvaceous figure. The stigma is still there, because society has a stigma against being fat in general, but I think one just has to put that aside and focus on oneself.

      You're definitely not "too big." I was honestly floored when we met by how stunning you are. Your skin is perfection, your weight is beautifully distributed, and you're just such a lovely person that that shines through as well. You shouldn't have to change your preferences. If you're attracted to a certain look, then that's totally fine. And I know for a fact plenty of guys who fit the look you seem to like would reciprocate the attraction!

      Thank you again doll <3 xx

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  9. You two look great together, the place where i live should have that kind of guys!, Im from mexico and trust me, there are no guys like yours!

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  10. Gorgeous!!! Love this photoshoot. So amazing :))

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  11. I love the message that you portray in you blog posts. Media has influenced and changed the idea of what beauty really is. But your pictures and words capture the true meaning.

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