How do you feel when other
women around you complain about feeling/being fat?
Though it will always frustrate me to hear slender women
complain about feeling/being fat, what is more concerning is the degree to
which being fat is seen as a negative thing. If women weren’t conditioned to
think that being fat is ugly and practically sinful, they could go on with their
lives worrying about more important things.
How has your body image changed
since high school? College?
Immeasurably. I spent most of high school hating myself, feeling the need to
change, feeling like I was doing something wrong by being heavier. I think deep
down I have always felt that curves are beautiful, and that having a
fuller-figure is attractive. But I was made to feel bad about it, and in
consequence, turned those negative feelings into self-hate. Early college was
pretty much the same. It was junior year, after going abroad and surrounding
myself with positive people, that things began to change for the better.
Have you tried dieting? What
happened?
I was on a diet from age 12 to age 20. As many of you know, the earlier years
were spent crash dieting, and in reality, I was killing myself. The latter of
those years I gained a lot of weight, and spent most of my time counting
calories or trying desperately to lose it all at the gym. I don’t think I ever
dieted in a healthy way, because to my doctors and sources of self-hate, doing
it healthily didn’t matter.
Do you think in your case your
weight is partly or entirely genetic?
I would say it’s an even split. My father’s side of the family is tall and very
big-boned. Even at my lowest weight, I still looked larger than most people
because of my bone structure. My mother’s side, which is the Colombian side, is
responsible for my curves, large hips and substantial rear end. But at the end
of the day, I like to eat. I no longer monitor myself and I indulge in the
foods I love, regardless of calorie count.
Do you consider yourself
healthy? Have there been instances where people have assumed you are unhealthy?
I find it extremely difficult to define health, because it’s such a
subjective thing. I am healthier emotionally and mentally than I have been for
most of my life, and that is my priority. In terms of fitness (which most
people correlate to health), I could afford to be more active, and am trying to
get back into a workout routine. People assume I am unhealthy constantly,
though. Part of it isn’t their fault. We are taught from childhood that being
fat means being unhealthy. But I can show them my blood tests, my cholesterol
levels, my blood pressure – it’s all perfect.
Are your parents both
supportive of the weight you’re at? Have they always been?
My father grew up extremely poor with very little to eat or drink. A priority
for him as a dad was, and still is, to make sure his kids are all well fed. To
him, being thicker is a sign of good health, so I think he appreciates that I
am fuller-figured. My mother struggled with her own body image for so much of
her life that I think she projected it onto me from childhood and onwards. She
is susceptible to all the “you can only be healthy if you’re thin” stuff,
partly be because she feels healthier at a lower weight, and partly because
she’s Colombian, and was taught to believe that one should be curvy, but not
too curvy.
How do you think retailers can
improve clothes for plus-size people?
Well, the first step is to expand their size ranges, and actually sell clothes
for plus-size people. And once they do that, avoid pricing plus-sizes higher
than their straight-size counterparts. Yeah, I know bigger garments mean more
fabric costs, but sales would increase so much by extending the size range that
any excess fabric costs will seem minimal, I’m sure.
Do you think plus-sized women
are judged differently to plus-sized men? How?
I think fat people, regardless of gender, will always be
mistreated and judged harshly. Fat is considered a problem, and consequently,
fat people are seen as a problem. I do, however, think plus-size women are
under more pressure by the media. Melissa McCarthy, for instance, is probably
far more fat shamed than Kevin James.
Do you think there is an
assumption made/stereotypes that exist about plus-size people? How would you
respond to it?
· Fat
people are lazy/useless.
· Fat
people are unhealthy.
· Fat
people are unattractive.
· Fat
people don’t have sex/or fat people are easy (apparently they are not mutually
exclusive).
· And
one of the worst things I have ever heard in my lifetime: fat people are never
the victims of sexual assault.
I try my best to speak out against these things
publicly, and through my blog, but at the end of the day, these comments are
fired by ignorance, self-hate, boredom and human cruelty, which may just be
human nature for most people. I have very little respect for homo sapiens and
their treatment of each other, and don’t expect any better at this point.
Do you think there’s ever a
right way/time to express concern about someone’s weight?
No. A person’s weight is their business, and their concern alone. If a health
problem is proven to be directly caused by a person’s weight, then their doctor
should address it. That being said, people need to understand that fat is not a
disease or illness. Illnesses can arise from being fat, yes, as they can from
drinking or smoking or traveling and drinking the water in a foreign country.
What are the worst things
people have said to you about your weight?
I can’t remember the insults I received as a kid. I got
a lot of “mira esa gringa gorda” – or look at the fat American on visits to
Colombia as a child and teen. And a “mira esa barrigota” – look at that massive
belly – from a relative. They may not sound hideous, but when they come from
the people who are supposed to care about you most, then they are a whole
different level of painful.
How did you respond?
In the past, it was always tears or silence. I’ve always been far too passive
aggressive for my own good. But today, whenever I get the: You have such a beautiful face; think how pretty you’d be if you lost
weight, I try to make it a point to express that I already AM pretty, and
part of that beauty comes from every bit of fat on my body.
What have people said (or do
you wish they’d say) that would compliment your body or appearance?
These days, I get loads of compliments for my curves. I have learned to
surround myself with positive people, and they consistently compliment my
appearance as well as the person I am within. I still wish certain people would
be capable of telling me I am beautiful without making the comment about my
face alone. Not because I need their acceptance or praise, but because it would
show progress in their mindsets, and that would be nice to see.
Do you find yourself hanging
out with women who are closer to your size?
It’s a mix. One of my best friends is a size-2 whilst the other is a size-22.
In a way, I prefer hanging out with thicker women, because it then creates a
fully non-judgment zone. We all appreciate each other’s bodies genuinely, and
have a sense of camaraderie that’s trickier to find with people who are far
smaller and cannot relate.
How has your weight affected
your sex life, if at all?
In terms of actual sex, not at all. If a person is trying to be intimate
with you, they obviously find you attractive and want to be doing it/you.
When you’ve been single, has
your weight affected your dating life?
I was very skeptical of dating for my entire adolescence because my
self-esteem was so low. I was told that men only like thin women so many times
that I got to that “why bother then” point and chose to be single for most of
my teen years. I regret it immensely now, because dating is such a vital part
of growing up, and no one should feel unworthy of those experiences.
Do you feel weird if the guy
you’re with only dates larger women?
Would you ask a thin woman whose partner has only ever dated thin women
the same question? Most people have preferences, and there is nothing wrong
with that.
Do you feel weird if he’s only
dated slimmer women before you?
Nope; if anything it just shows
he finds beauty in more than one type,
and that is very redeemable.
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