As I sit in expectation of a delightful dinner, it occurs to me that not even two years ago I would have felt pangs of guilt upon having a plate of food placed in front of me. I would've felt embarrassed, ashamed even. I spent such an enormous portion of my life striving to look different -- i.e. to lose weight -- and with that came unnecessary amounts of time spent on hating myself, especially when I ate. My mind would scream at me, expressing the obvious fact that food was not the antidote to my big belly. To say I am happier now would be an understatement. It isn't just that the guilt is gone, or the embarrassment amiss. It's that in the places where these self-deprecating characteristics used to live I now house a sense of pride and self-love. I've said this before, but I still often surprise myself. In the scheme of life, the universe and everything, two years isn't long -- definitely not as long as I would've thought was needed to re-vamp that old and stubborn mindset that strived to be thin.
Because I've just felt such a sense of surprise, I want to send out a very large expression of gratitude -- gratitude to those I know personally, particularly those select few who have supported and encouraged my journey -- that journey which has ultimately revealed that I am infinitely happier now, being chubby, than I ever was being thin -- gratitude for those I don't know but who have read and commented on these posts, giving me some kind of sense that someone somewhere does care about a goofy girl's musings -- and gratitude to those bloggers whom also post pro-plus size posts, because I know that regardless of the sudden explosion of pro-plus-size cyberspace communities, it isn't easy to openly admit to loving your own fat body, or that of someone else's -- it isn't easy to say you love anything with the word "fat" in it if we're being honest...unless that something is "Fat Tuesday" but who doesn't love Mardy-Gras related activities?
Anywho, I've found some bloggers who've posted photos that have really meant a lot to me -- photos that I think express the things I try to express. We all know a picture can say a thousand words, so please check out these pix and the blogs that go along with them -- you may find, like me, that a lot of people do get it. A lot of people do get what it's like to like something that you've been taught shouldn't be liked at all.
Courtesy of "Mss Dmnt"